Try looking up a victim's awareness course. Possibly there might be some material online. Also, seek out some more sadistic sadists than yourself and see how it feels to be a victim. I know that sounds nuts; but, if you completely lack empathy (as I do), this will be the only way you will ever have any idea how your behavior affects other people. Once you have made this connection, you need to make a philisophical/idealogical decision: will you continue hurting other people? If so, under what circumstances? I made a commitmet long ago to stop hurting "innocent" people and to stop living a parasitic lifestyle. But I still have sadistic tendencies when I feel provoked. To be blunt, I restrict my sadism to bullies, predators, and other sadists, because I do not view them as innocent. But I don't consciously seek out the guilty either. If they fall in my lap, though, it is like a present from God. The problem I have is that I am always wondering whether I am luring or whether I am innocently crossing paths with other sadists. I can exhibit signs of a dependent or vulnerable personality around such people, which is not normally "me," and it attracts malignant people. I wonder sometimes if I have turned myself into a Venus Fly Trap in order to rationalize my own malignant sadism, or whether it is just pure serendipity. Part of me also knows that the one type of person that nobody can sympathize with (or miss) is a sadist, so they make excellent victims.

I can't experience feelings so I have to control my behavior on an ideological level. Like you, it is only to keep a pay check coming and to keep me out of a cage. Shame and guilt are not factors. I used to hurt everyone as if hurting was an auto-pilot program. I didn't even think about it: it just happened as naturally as breathing. Now I am a lot more conscious of it. And if I can be conscious of it, anyone can. You can. Your "loved" ones: you need them for your own reasons (perhaps they might come in handy when you need something, as my "loved" ones do), so look at it from a purely selfish perspective. If you hurt them, you cannot use them. Don't sabotage your own assets.

Hope that helps. Maybe you will not feel the need to hurt after victim awareness. The one danger of that awareness is that it can make you even more sadistic, as the lack of empathy prevented the knowledge of the impact of sadism in the first place; knowing the impact, it allows you to fine tune your sadism to precision infliction of harm. But if you couple that with a commitment to stop, or at least stop doing it to innocent people, then you will reduce the negative impact of your own sadism upon your own life. Also, bear in mind, sadism is a learned behavior. What you have learned, you can unlearn.