I'm really sorry to hear about your dog.

Talking with your therapist might provide you with the extra support that you need at a time like this. That was my first thought.

I also noticed that you seem to have what's sometimes referred to as a 'harsh superego'. You always seem really hard on yourself i.e. perfectionist, super high demands and expectations on yourself, self critical, should do/not dos...

You are only human and right now very vulnerable. People break promises, People are dishonest at times. It's ok to not always fulfill the expectations you have of yourself.

I hope you talk with your therapist, but whatever you do, I hope you can loosen up a bit in terms of your decision-making, potentially not doing what you 'should' do. It's difficult enough to go through what you're going through with your dog without beating yourself up. In other words, give yourself a break.