Yeah. I'm doing that. it's being nearly impossible. I can't leave and save my money when she is like, "OH you wanted money for a car. I need this bill paid I don't have the money at the moment I need to take some from your account and pay you back later"... "OH you want to have something do, you can't.. I'll take your money just go out and go to a casino. "

It's like my life is not mine. I am at my job working my *** off so is she and my dad, but they don't want me be young. I want to shoot myself.

My relationships with friends are very long distant even though they live less than 15 miles away. I can't see them I don't have my license from my medical stuff, I can't take the vehicle to practice, I know how to drive I'm good at it. My mom won't let me, she doesn't care. When I take something, she gets mad she'll waste her day on the couch watching E enterntainment and mtv all day and yells at me and everyone who bothers her tv time. She's very negative and narcassistic, pushing her agenda on me when I don't care. She's a bully, I'm pissed no matter how hard, I want to do something, my mom will shoot it down. The lack of money my parents can afford and the fact, I can't get into a college I like and move out like my friends. My sister was lucky and my parents can only afford school for her.. I'm left with being alone trying to make something out of this situation left with a giant wall of frustration that no matter how hard I can work on myself the situation won't ever change.

I'm desperate, it's like, my mom is a timebomb I'm always walking on egg shells. It's like if she doesn't like it she'll talk me down and scream and start **** with me and assume she's all right and I'm all wrong. I don't want to prove anything, just show I don't need this and if you want me to be independent just trust me for ****ing once. Not talk down to me, when I'm doing something good for myself. She doesn't care and I sometimes want to run away and not come back. Not have my phone not talk to my friends leave this whole place behind, because I'm forced in this situation I'm desperately climbing out of and all I want to do is die. It's like I'm climbing out of a giant well from the bottom. I get so far before I fall back down, whether metaphorically it's money, friends, or emotional reasons.

I resent my mothers over protectiveness it's not helping it's abusive. She ignores me most of the time, when I'm upset. I can go to her for ****, if she hears a curse word or something she doesn't like she takes it out on you even my dad. She has so many issues and I hate being here. I want to be a free person, not some slave till I die. **** when I leave my mom be 62 and retired and making all the money she wants and still be in this situation. I can't be here anymore. I feel like for me to get my license, I have to take my moms car without telling her. She won't ever let me do it, I can do it. I've already seen it. I'm better than her actually.

I work hard at my current part time job, I'm trying to get this music job going, but nothing is budging. I'm forced to hear from someone out in california in a executive branch of a record label, to tell me I have this deadline expecting me to finish all these tracks like I'm the best artist in the world. In my honesty, I'm not, I am very talented, but I don't have the best equipment and it's because of this **** paying for their bills and it's so slow, it's like my life should be over now. I don't have a life, I don't want to live, I don't want the success, because I'll end up like her, miserable working working working away self loathing and hating and hurting everyone. I can't do this. I hate her, I can't do anything, she can't fix me to be her perfect child. I am not the defiant person she assumes I am, it's a cover for others to make an image I'm a brat. It's not true, I learned my mistakes and catch myself before she ever does. When she messes up she's like ooops ignore that. It happens a lot, when I do, she's goes ape **** and gets very mean to me..

It's like I'm a slave. I can't say **** you enough just to get my rage out and walk away. It's like a prison. I'm not able to get the results I want. I go outside talk to people make new friends, and realize it's not the same. I have my social skills shot in the *** from this. My mom doesn't want me to have a life, then she'll try to get me out of the house because she wants tv time and to prove like I deserve it to others and pretend that everything is fine.

I hear voices all the time, it's literally what the prisons in solitary confinement go through. I see hallucinations all the time, and my mom has no regard of it. Wants me to be on meds, midas well one day put me in an asylum so you can talk **** about how horrible I through my life away when you want me safe at the same time deluded to the fact you want me to be this isolated.

I'm not free, I'm in hell. True hell, I can not connect. I can not be happy. I just told her coworker new best friend about this. I know she'll tell my mom and my mom will get mad and take it out on me. Because she's more worried about her image and making money than living. She says, I want a simple life. Get over yourself. Seriously don't know how many times my sister and I said that, my dad telling you to calm down.

I can't live. I can't. It's miserable. I want to go to college to learn and be around like minded people socially. When I tell my mom that, this is what she says, "you go there to work and not socialize." I'm like.. "oh is that what happened to you?" sarcastically. I'm being honest, she doesn't care to look in herself so she takes it out on me. I want to kill myself, because she doesn't care of her pushing her **** on me in the weirdest ways.