Hi all,

I live with my boyfriend who is significantly older than I. We have been together for almost two years now, and we have a great relationship. We live very freely, and have a bit of an unconventional lifestyle (we are both artists).

My boyfriend has a nine year old son, who comes to visit us every other weekend. At first, this was no big deal because I was not living with him at the time, and I would generally do my own thing while his son was over (and basically be a normal twenty two year old) on those weekends. Since I have moved in with my boyfriend, I have begun to dread the weekends when his son comes to stay with us.

I am generally uneasy around most children. I'm not quite sure why, but I did not grow up around younger kids, never babysat, and only had an older sibling.

My boyfriend and I live in a very small apartment. His son is VERY high energy, and I feel very trapped when he is here. He does not ever want to be alone, so even if I went to the bedroom to be quiet he will barge in and want to lay on the bed with me. He mostly sits on the couch (a small one) and plays games on the computer. If I do sit with him, he is constantly kicking me, poking me, and generally touching me, and this makes me feel very claustrophobic and anxious (he often doesn't mean to do this, but he is so high energy he cannot sit still for more than five minutes without thrashing).

My boyfriend does not have his own car, and since his son is only with us every other weekend, he is adamant that we always go out and do things (generally that I never want to do, but agree so that I am not a "party pooper"). I usually drive them around to whatever stores in the mall they want to go to, all the while feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, wishing that I could have my weekends back to do what I would want to do. When this is all said and done, his son never thanks me (literally for ANYTHING I do for him... cooking meals, driving him around, buying him food etc). He always just says "thanks DAD". Usually my boyfriend will correct him, and say "thank her", and sometimes he will actually thank me after being prompted, and sometimes not.

When he is over, I also usually get kicked out of the bed at night and end up sleeping on the couch because that's what his son wants. I feel as though I have no privacy. His son also has a tendency to nag me and hurry me when I'm getting ready in the morning to drive them around, asking me why I slept in so late (7:30 or 8 on a saturday). He has also insulted my driving for no reason, likes to tell me how to drive, and likes to pick fun at me on occasion.

I feel like my weekends have been completely hijacked. My boyfriend suffers from anxiety, and wants his son to have as much fun as possible when visiting him, and often gets upset with me if I tell him no, I'm doing my own thing this weekend. I feel trapped in my own house, like I can't get away and have one moment of sanity. I feel like I am always doing what they want, and never what we have compromised on doing. I just feel like I am being dragged around, just because I have a car and can take them places.

I am not a pushover, and demand respect from everyone in my life, but it seems that my boyfriends son does not respect me. I do my best to set boundaries, but I worry my boyfriend is so concerned with being the fun dad that he forgets how I must feel. When his son is over I literally just get this "UGH get away from me!" feeling, and feel like I want to run away. His son is very likeable as he is cute, funny, and animated... and I really want to like him... but I just don't! To me, he's annoying, overwhelming, rude, extremely needy, messy, and just exhausting.

I don't want to be a mother. I don't even think I want kids ever. I'm so sick of carrying around this guilt from not liking his son, and resentment for feeling like I "have" to be around them all weekend, and with little to no thanks at that. I really just don't like many children, and when they are all over me and I feel I have no space it drives me crazy.

Is it wrong of me to feel this way? How can I cope?

My boyfriend is going to be getting a car very soon, so that will help the situation tremendously. I CAN'T WAIT. I also feel that a larger apartment would allow me to be quiet in my own space while his son is visiting, and that may be in the works within a few months. I really can't take feeling trapped like this anymore.

Is my boyfriend to blame for trying to be the fun dad and not disciplining his son enough?
Am I just being a pushover? How strict am I supposed to be? I feel like every time he did something I thought was disrespectful, I'd be reprimanding him all the time and my boyfriend wouldn't always agree with me.
Is his son just a brat?

Please, helpful comments only. What are some ways I can cope with this dilemma?