I often wonder this and come to the conclusion that it's clearly more than just a fear of death - fear can be overcome more easily than a nagging sensation of what might be. Perhaps there is a chance, no matter how small, that you will find love and meaning?

It's a big world out there and we allow it into our lives as much as we want too. I'm ok with a quiet stable life, others want more. Do what makes you comfortable and don't fall prey to comparison - we're all different.

I hope you find peace.