I'm not having trouble with grounding--I know what day/year it is, where I am, and all of that. I just can't stop the memories and the body memories, and I can't stop blaming myself for everything that happened recently and the stuff that happened years ago. I'm really struggling not to self-harm or BP because that would stop it all. I spent most of the day taking Benadryl, sleeping, waking up, taking more to put me back to sleep, and just doing that over and over. It's probably not that safe, but it's less unsafe than anything else I would do to cope right now.

I just don't even want to be alive. I can't live like this. I want to have an okay life, but I think I'm just too messed up to ever be okay.