Yep, I am ok with it, because it is what it is. Well, I guess, I am who I am. I'm glad it maybe eased your mind just a tiny bit. I'm trying to not push away/cut off....it's to the point now where I'll actually tell someone once I meet them and realize we click well, that I tend to do that, and I tell them SO DONT LET ME! It's a coping mechanism I'm sure. And something I've actually thought a lot about and have tried to dissect in my mind. And I came to that conclusion that perhaps I want to end it before they do. I had pretty severe attachment issues as a child, I didn't trust anyone. If I did, they were eventually taken away. So, it makes sense that I might still, even though I'm middle-aged now and NOT a child, have issues. I had no interest in therapy, in trying to heal myself, until now.

I think maybe deep down there is a safe zone, and once I've gone beyond that, I go into fight or flight mode. I spent half the summer thinking I wanted to quit therapy. Well, soon after starting, when I realized T and I clicked so well, I felt like I wanted to quit because I could feel I was going to like her. Then, later on, I felt like I wanted to quit because I DO hold her in deep regard, and I didn't WANT to like her, or later feel dependent, or get attached only to have her, for what ever reason, terminate.

Anyway, I don't see it as a bad thing necessarily.... if your T thinks you cut people off, that's just one thing the two of you can work through together. I'm definitely not afraid to admit it myself.... I don't see it as a personality flaw or anything like that, I see it more as a reaction to negative events in my life...which is why we're in therapy to begin with! So it's ok....you're ok....and so am I.