I'm in a problematic relationship and have just started attending relationships counseling. The counsellor suggested I talk to my partner about coming up with a time out plan together that we can implement when he gets heated/angry during a discussion. I'd left the room/house a couple of times over the past year saying I'm going out for a while because I felt frightened. But when I raised this with him later on I was told I was "sensitive" and should have "anticipated he was having a hard day". Generally when he gets angry I become placatory and give in. The sample time out plan the counsellor gave me was for men who have anger issues. And I agree we need to agree on one as there are issues we really need to discuss even though he will become angry discussing this.

As an aside I'm very careful of how I communicate having been to communication and assertiveness courses. I use neutral and I language, instead of making accusations and ask what he thinks. For example when I wanted to discuss about us going out more and taking up some common interests my introduction was something like "I'd really like to talk about us going out more together, how we could do this and taking up some common interests as it would be really nice to have more fun together. What are your thoughts?" or "I'm unhappy that we don't go out much together and would like us to do more together, what are your thoughts?" then follow this up with some ideas (scheduling activities, brainstorming what we both enjoy to get some commonalties) but I get a you don't understand that I'm sore and tired from long hours at work to which I'd responded (as we've talked a lot about what he could do about this) we can select sedentary activities that we can park near and schedule them in for times you feel less tired. I've also done lots of encouraging him to talk about things that are bothering him and so forth. But it never gets to me advising my point of view and what I'd like as well then moving into problem solving in a way that's workable for both of us, I usually end up getting more rules slapped onto me.

Anyhow I'm thinking if such a benign topic creates such a reaction how would I even begin to go about talking about time out and agree on how we are going to do this. But I want to give it a go as there are issues that really do need to be discussed and resolved.

Has anyone had any experience of going about this and any suggestions.

Thanks