I just want to say that Cryingontheinside is very insightful. I agree with everything he/she said! I skipped most of the middle section of this thread so I apologize if I repeated everything that Cryingontheinside said previously.
Anyone who thinks otherwise is entitled to their opinions - but we really do have to remember the implications behind such ridiculous notions as, "borderline sufferers are destined to be alone and will never be with someone else." That is just terrible to hear. I am so very triggered by this thought. Any professional who says such things is either personally bias against borderlines (which unfortunately happens) or has little to no understanding or empathy for what borderlines are deep down. We are wounded souls. We hurt. I cry 3 hours a day - sometimes more, and mainly because I lack close, intimate relationships with others (outside of therapy). DBT is training me to create that intimacy in other areas of my life and not once did any of my therapists - EVER say - that I need to be alone.
In saying this - it is important to become capable of tolerating being alone (as much as any human can tolerate it) - because that is a part of being a healthy, independent person.
I can't stand the thought that a professional would say such things.
Yes - there are people who do better without other relationships in life - but the core of borderline is in finding a balance in relationship with ourselves and with others. To limit our relationships and solely be alone and without close connection with others - is in essence: invalidating ourselves as human beings.
I just want to swear right now. This is the first time a thread has triggered me this much. I don't meant to offend anyone.
We deserve to be with others. We need them, because we are human - not because we are borderline. We cannot allow people to determine who we are based on a diagnosis. The diagnosis is only meant to point out some of our issues and set us in the right direction in our recovery. Please don't allow others to determine who we are and what we can and cannot do.
Anytime these ridiculous notions come into mind - just remind yourself that I would LOVE to be your friend.
Thanks,
HD7970ghz