I didn't realize there was literature on this subject. Right now I'm reading a book about dysfunctional parenting.

My significant other and I are having a huge breakdown in communication so we just stopped speaking. Almost two years ago he had an emotional affair and though he attoned for it and I admit I wasn't the best partner at the time, I'm stuck there still. It triggered all my abandonment issues from my parents and one other relationship and I don't see him as good anymore. It's like I see him not as a person but as what he did, and a horrible human being. I've tried to move past it but I'm so used to seeing ppl as all good or all bad that I can't imagine he could ever he good again. So I still accuse him and I'm extremely suspicious of him. He feels emotionally beaten down and hurt and lashes out then I take his lashing out as evidence of his badness and we just hurt each other again and again. I'm paralyzed with fear of him hurting me again and he feels trapped by my accusations and inability to see good in him. Our long distance also complicated things.