Oh , I share similar feelings and try in similar ways. As I sit here thinking about it , it occurred to me my lack of acceptance of the fact that life is so imperfect. I want it to be kind, childhood good, relationships warm and satisfying, my behavior in the good self control column and it is rarely any of those. There are moments so maybe it would help if I focused on them. Seems like there is something inside that wants it to be nice and the anger is railing against the reality of the weaknesses and failures. No solution when it isn't really going to be like that. Wow, back to that word acceptance again of imperfect flawed universally struggling people.