Do you have a t.? It is someone to talk to at least. Also, to help you plan things to do that can help break the cycle, or at least break up things enough that you have a few good experiences to hang on to.
And, are there any activity/social oriented groups that don't require a lot of initial interaction (like a walking meet up group, a book discussion group, group trips to places (museums, sight-seeing, music...)---or even an open mic music or poetry night near you that you could get yourself to. A place you could just be around others and let the interactions build slowly... I recommend craft/art classes that are for anyone...if you can develop an interest and have something to play with that helps. I knit, write, sketch even though I can't draw, do collages...(and right now it is especially hard because I am in a situation with few resources or space---so I just try to keep myself knitting...(collages can be very therapeutic, and you never really know what it will turn out like in the end...you also learn things you didn't know about yourself)
Welcome to PC, you will find some friends here. [my pc access is limited right now & I miss being able to be here whenever I want....] Hang in there, keep talking. tell us more about yourself-------------------------
My parents, and sibling are dead. And others...divorced...
Do have an unexpected, wonderful grandkid---and both my adult (unexpected also when born) kids are doing well so I try to hang on to that thought----that knowledge---but even that goodness can be painful, I can't bring my problems there..........so, sometimes I don't visit because I know I am too down...