I feel ya. Totally. I've wondered how different my life might be now if I had a different upbringing. In fact, that was just brought up at my last session. It's amazing how the actions (or lack, there of) of others can appear to dictate someone's life. Of course, it's my fault for letting that happen, but that's why I'm in therapy.

But one thing I don't like about therapy is...a lot of us are there because of lacking something in our lives, now and/or in the past, and if we feel we get that from our T, eventually we lose our T too. My T has given me quite a list of all of the things I "missed out" on.... listening to her talk about my life is rather depressing in itself. Sometimes while I sit and listen to her tell me what a bad hand I was dealt, I think to myself of how continuously being reminded of it is going to make things better. So far, it's made me feel worse in a way. I hear this list of all these things she says I need in my life....and I think to myself "why am I here? She isn't here to give me those things." And if I feel like I'm getting one of those things from her, I know that's wrong too. I'm not supposed to be going to a therapist to "get love." I need to find that in my own life.