Oh no, it's not your fault, you struggle with PTSD, so it's hard to deal with that let alone have the challenges you are sharing. You mustn't self blame, you have been trying your best, it's just that others around you have no idea what it's like, I know, I had to deal with that myself, it's so hard, but certainly not your fault. I too have been in situations where I did not react right either, it's just part of the challenge, and honestly, even someone who doesn't have PTSD can "freeze" like that.