When I said I wasn't blaming her I was talking about how I wasn't saying it was her fault that I'm the way that I am. I know it's not her fault. I was telling her that she's simply not helping and she's adding to the damage. I wanted her to try and be sensitive. I always feel awful for when I'm abusive towards her but she never feels any remorse for the abuse she's given to me. And I know she's hurt over my behavior. I cry over how much I've hurt her. But people don't seem to care about how she's treated me and talked to me.