Quote:
Originally Posted by skies_
It's been over 2 years since I had to end the relationship with my former therapist. We've texted maybe 5 or 6 times since then.
He always says something personable, such as he misses me, thinks about me and hopes i'm doing well, etc. They are usually a 3 sentences, and he signs his messages "love". For me, this reinforces that our relationship was meaningful, and that the spirit of our relationship still exists, that relational connections live on even after they end. It reinforces intrinsic worth and that he cared about me.
I'm not sure of what type of therapy you were in or the other circumstances, but in my situation, our therapeutic relationship was very intimate. My former therapist taught me everything I now know about intimacy and the importance of relationships. It was very late in my life, unfortunately, but better later than never.
I have never had such a positive physical ending to a relationship before, so the ending itself has been extremely therapeutic for me. It's also hopeful because it feels as though I did internalize his goodness, even if just a little bit, as there was nothing positive introjected from my parents. Nothing.
I'd be pretty hurt by that response. I'm think that you might be conflicted about it, hence your thread. I'm sorry.
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My T would never in an email go so far as to say that she misses me or that she loves me, though before we terminated she said both of those things once. Though I would be thrilled to hear that sort of thing and would get a lot out if it if she wrote that in the emails, I do know that it would make me miss her that much more. I'm glad to hear that you gained a lot from therapy and learned how to be intimate. We also had an intimate relationship, but she had very strict boundaries.
Quote:
Originally Posted by skies_
You did nothing wrong. I think the comments about the book list were very healthy; I have no idea how that could be crossing a line. You sound very insecure here. I imagine you were never fully secure about this relationship even when you were undergoing therapy with her.
I can see why you are questioning everything. I do want to point out that I do not think it is you. Not at all.
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Thanks skies, I did feel a bit insecure. You're right that I can't say I was
fully secure with her, mostly because her boundaries did sometimes confuse me or make me worry that she didn't care. However, she was very warm and I always trusted she was genuine with me. I don't think it was her fault that I didn't feel fully secure with her, because she was trustworthy and was doing what she did for a reason. It was me that didn't get there. But yet, it's not my fault exactly either because it's understandable that I would feel that way. In my opinion, the nature of the therapeutic relationship in general perhaps makes it difficult for me to fully trust.