It seems like I'm always trapped in my brain alone and no one understands me. I feel like I fell from another planet. The one full of wierdos, crazies, and stupid people.
I just feel lost all the time
https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/i...1EWnHLeXKzNTjA

My youngest son just told my husband that he wanted him to fix him something to eat because "mommy's food sucks." Of course he usually tells me Daddy's food sucks and mine is soooo good. He really hurt my feelings and I kicked him and everyone else out of the room, closed the door and turned off the light. I just want to be left alone now.

I just really hate myself most of the time. Except those "special" occasions I believe I'm the greatest, can do no wrong, too intelligent for my husband and general society just doesn't get what I get so easily.

I was taking a borderline personality test and looks like I might be. That upsets me as well. My parents caused that. They divorced when I was 9 and my whole life since then has been a rollercoaster. My father died in 08. I'm still not over it. Mother still alive and still ignoring me.
I never do anything right or good enough.

Will I ever escape my brain? Will it torment me for the rest of my life. Will I always be mad about my childhood and the rape? Will I ever give my husband a chance. I hate sex and he loves it. He "needs" it. I could care less if I ever did again. Feel like I've done my time as a toy for men. do I have to get really old and fat so my husband will let me sleep in the bed alone? I'm sick of sleeping with him or anyone. But, he get's mad if I don't sleep with him. Then, "we are roommates, not like a real married couple." I hate being touched when I'm in bed sometimes I hate being touched at all, even by my kids lately.
Here I go ramblin on again.......
I hate myself and my life!