Part of this is because I don't want to leave my husband alone, but part of it is because I think I end up in the hospital way too often and have done so since I was fourteen. It's like I use it as an escape. I mean I'm not even going to say how many times I've been inpatient. I don't want to go back yet again, especially after just getting out two weeks ago.

But at the same time I don't want to continue on like this.

I do understand what you're all saying and you're probably right, I should just bite the bullet and take care of myself before I do something I'm going to regret.

I'll have to see what my ECT doc says tomorrow. She tried to get me to go in on Friday.