((geis)),

No, it's not easy, I had that challenge a lot myself. It is something I have noticed a lot of different members I have met in the forum over my time here have been challenged with too. Also, for a really long time, and even now when I have a bad day I utter, "I am sorry". For myself, it was a tremendous amount of work "not" to react to different triggers too. I had to learn to be really "patient" with myself too. It took me a while to not only understand it, but how to really work at it and learn to be patient and self sooth and more importantly, keep incouraged to keep trying too.

Our subconscious mind is developing from the time we are so young. We take in so many messages from people around us that we don't realize too. So many people really do not realize what it means, the incredible responsiblity it is to raise a child. People don't realize how much the brain depends on whatever is "filed and saved" depending on what one "knows" to have the capacity to gain resolve or process during sleep. For myself, I have actually experienced a lot of traumas in my life, and I did struggle to sleep and actually gain a "restorative" sleep. Bad dreams, and night terrors even, just the brain struggling to figure out what to do with the big hard challenges that catch us off guard somehow.

A lot of people who experienced challenges read a lot, I did a lot of that, read alot about the brain, learned about different challenges people have, I constantly watched the history channel or Science Channel or anything I could listen to and take in more info in my brain, even left it on all night while I was sleeping too and still do. Every now and then I would visit the abuse forum here, or other forums and think about the spectrum of challenges so many have. So many people have been hurt in so many ways, wanting to know why, and with so many, it is clearly not their fault.

I have PTSD, I have struggled so much, have made gains on it and many days, it's like multi-tasking because of how my mind just needs to think and sort through so much, and at the same time try to function, and try to work somehow too. I don't mean to be challenged, I certainly don't ask to be triggered or experience emotional flashbacks that just come over me. Yet, when they do, I choose to be patient and acknowledge my feelings, sit with them and do my best until whatever comes over me passes, and that can take day or a week even, it really depends on what it is tbh.

Your roomate that tends to yell at people on the phone and be loud, well, that is distubing, yes, but that her issue not yours. My husband can be loud and emotional and triggering too. Hell, he is even loud in his sleep, snores loud and hogged the bed alot. I have had to learn how to give certain things away to others, and learn how to not blame myself. It has been a lot of work, yes, the PTSD makes it a challenge, I hear you. I also bought a fan for my room to help drown out back ground noise so I could "try" to sleep, I use that and I have the TV on all night too, found that programs that were more talking to where I wasn't distracted to look helped me alot and I would finally drift off to sleep and often I would dream about what I had watched and not what I could not quite resolve that would give me night mares or night terrors.

I have PTSD, you have PTSD, and neither of us are to blame and while that feeling can take place, ok, that is part what PTSD does, but it really does help when one doesn't chime in and agree and instead reminds self of that and commit to keep trying to heal.

If you can't find a therapist? Go to the library and look for books on trauma work, or healing from rape and self blaming, there are a lot of good books out there to read.
You need to get things going "in", so you are not just dealing with your own thoughts all the time, it helps.

(((Caring Hugs)))
OE