Thank you all for responding...

Perna, I find your selection of images (and the explanations in parentheses) quite helpful. "clicks' for me...what if my enjoyment is 'too much'....and what do I have to 'give' that's good enough....and I now owe the other person....

Is there such a thing as 'unconditional receiving'? Meaning, I can take freely and the other person does not expect anything in return?

With my previous t, one time I was upset about a session she had canceled, and she said something to the effect of, ''think of all the good I've given you....why are you focusing on the one negative thing....'' I felt a deep sense of shame then.... I am now cautious about taking from my new t, because she may one day tell me, ''I've given you so much...don't be upset over the one time I've disappointed you''..... It's safer not to take....than have the 'taking' be used against me later on.....