It hasn't been this bad in at least a year or two, but now...now I need to do something to make it stop NOW because I have no help or support, nobody to turn to or any of that. I mean, I have my useless case manager, but her answer to everything is hospitalization. But I was physically and sexually assaulted in a psych hospital, so putting me there because I'm having PTSD issues is just going to make everything worse.

So I'm all on my own, and I just can't handle this for much longer. I can't stop blaming myself or hating myself. I just want to self-destruct because I know that would make it stop, at least for a while, and I've almost completely lost sight of why I shouldn't do that. I mean, what else am I supposed to do when I'm denied any other help?