Hello CalmingOcean, it's a great step to spread your thoughts in this topic and to be open about your feelings.

Suicidal thoughts can be very hard to get through. I think that's something we all agree with. Suicidal thoughts can eat us alive, make us feel like we are not worth living.

My question to you is: is this your first time that you have serious suicidal thoughts? If no: what did you do before, when you had them? Is there someone you can call and talk to?

Here are some suicide hotlines in Canada:
Canada Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Canada Suicide Hotlines, Canada Suicide Hotlines, Canada Suicide Hotlines, Canada Suicide Hotlines!

Don't feel ashamed to call, the people you can talk to are professional and know how to help you.

Please hold on. I really believe that you can get through this moment.