Oh CalmingOcean I am so sorry, I know about this challenge, had struggled with it myself, it's so hard. These thoughts come in waves, yes, they are very strong too, but they also go away, and I had to work through that myself feeling very alone like you are discribing. Have you talked to your therapist about this? It's very important you have help with this, it will ease up. I am not sure "why" this stage happens tbh, but, with therapy and time it will ease up. So, you need to force yourself to ask for help. After you work your way past this stage you "will" be glad you did.

Please, I know this is so hard as I mentioned I have experienced this myself, I promise, it will go away with help and time. You have to do a major stress reduction in your life and have someone to help you work through this until it slowly eases up. I understand how it feels like you are not going to get better, but you "can", I promise so take the steps to reach out for help.

(((Gentle Caring Hugs)))
OE