Thank you everyone, it helps knowing others have been there and come out of it.

I haven't had these kinds of suicidal thoughts before. Yes feelings of not wanting to be 'here' I guess but never actually co spidering it an option till last wed up until today. It is horrible.

I feel like my days are empty, like I have very little purpose, that my son may be better off without me,it's all really stupid feeling.

I have gotten many lows before and that is usually when self harm becomes my option and I find it pulls me out but even that wasn't working!

i think I am going to take a nap. Little guy is sleeping now too.