Oh GOD I am so glad it isn't me being a F*cking weirdo again! I have dissociated since I was 8. It is usually when I am looking the mirror. Or if I look at my hands too long an they become some elses and I am gone.. or something it's weird no one really knows what I am talking about but it sounds like a lot of us have it. I am paranoid a lot. I had 2 psychotic episodes triggered by a depression in the past 2 years. One was aliens/government, EXTREME, the other was a jealousy/inswecurity thing I thought my husband was cheating on me like I followed him everywhere and smelled his underwear and wouldn't let him go anywhere by himself. It went away when I started running. I am still running, more so than ever, but it seems to be sneaking back in.. I cannot live through that again. Also when I was at the gym on the treadmill the other day i heard 2 girls behind me and i SWEAR they said omg that girl is so nasty" and I got off and when i looked at them they were like in their 40s and were NOT saying those things, it was like i created it in my head. EVERY time someone laughs I know t is at me. I always tell myself immediately, no, selfish, it is NOT always about you girl, get over yourself! It seems to help.

The other day at bed it occured to me that what if I am in fact mentally retarded and no one has told me, I am th eonly on who doesnt know it that is why I cannot kep jobs and my husband is my caregiver and I live in some special needs home... it freaked me out a bit. I am 30 year old housewife with 3 kids... I know I am not retarded but the fact that I thought I could be, anbd this is not the frst time I have had that thought... anyway... I guess we're really weird... That's where Iam at right now, still accepting this diagnosis a year later and just trying to find someone who knows... I am a fuggin weirdo...