Sorry if this question has been asked a gazillion times. I wasn't sure if I could revive old threads.

In any case, my last therapist told me to work on it and I kind of never did. I used to have a safe place and it was always at home with mom and dad but after some of the abuse stuff (nothing big, just minor emotional and psychological abuse, only problem that it was ongoing), and now I can't use family stuff as my safe place. I struggle with it.

But now whenever I try to make a safe place, some stupid ****ing thing intrudes into it. Like I try to imagine petting a little kitten and suddenly the kitten dies. Or I get an illness from the kitten. You see from I'm going with this? If I'm at the beach, in my imagination, then as you can imagine, a hundred things can go wrong.

Today after talked to my mom, who is sick, I felt anxious and tried to go to a safe place and I couldn't. Even imagining myself in a warm room sleeping on a soft mattress in a nice weather and...then I worry the roof could fall down on me! It's so dumb, isn't it? I knew the chance of that was like 0.000000000000001% but still....

It frustrates me that bad things are so much more powerful than good things. Because of the abuse stuff, now even times when I felt loved (and was loved) seems meaningless. It's like one bad apples, it ruins everything. Why do we have to always protect good things, like love or safety or joy, from negative forces all around us? Anyhow....

So if you feel like it, you can share your safe place, or if it's a picture or memory. And two, if you can tell me how to create one. My T had said it can be new or actual memory but I'm struggling with both today. Thank you very much.