Well, I hear you about being able to go back to being able to "just", however, that all added up to a point where it was hurting you somehow, so you are struggling with PTSD now.

If things happened to you growing up, I don't think you have to get right into blaming anyone, but most of all not "yourself" for whatever it was. Your hesitation with "not feeling" is important to pay attention to IMHO. The pace needs to go slow simply because you are now an adult and not that child you were, so you don't want to add adult emotions when that child didn't know enough to have such "adult" emotions.

Often it is much better to take a kind of back door approach by talking about the topic "in a very general way" first. It's not important to get graphic either, not unless that comes up and the patient needs to discuss that part, but it's more important to talk about why these situations take place, because the truth is, it happens more then people realize. You don't need the discussion about this part of your history to retraumatize you.

Often the "self blaming" comes more from struggling to talk about how you, or the patient learned to deal with it and process it on their own somehow, how that process was done in a way that person was best able to manage it. People have their own private way of managing certain things on their own, are not sure how to explain it to others and it's almost unimaginable thinking about how to even put it into words.

I remember trying to explain my own past and yet also thinking OMG, I am not sure anyone is going to get this about me. I was not capable of blaming "yet" either, I had kind of figured that out on my own and I was not really ready to talk so much about "emotions" all that much either.

When I began to have these dark thoughts, it was because too much was coming forward and I was very, very confused and had no idea how to explain it all. What helped me ease out of experiencing these dark thoughts was taking "slow" steps again. And my T did ask questions, but I had to talk about it "first" by mostly talking about the subject and the sexual maturity level of children and just very general.

It's ok to slow down so you are not feeling like you opened up "some" and now "have to" do more than you are ready to do.