Once again, my life is hell. I try to do everything i can to make it better, working more, getting a house, getting married this summer. Im to the point where i am ready to quit it all. I cant take anything anymore. I am very unappriciated, and it is killing me. I do everything for my fiance, and when it comes down to it, he does nothing for me. I drive him everywhere, work extra hours, accept his daughter (even though shes not mine) and what do i get for it, nothing. I have been working 2nd and 3 rd shift lately and when i come home, he is asleep, which is fine but than when he wakes up, he goes straight to work. I go all day usually w/o seeing him, and it seems like it dosent even matter to him, when really, it is killing me inside. My life now consist of Working all the time, doing work at my new house, and trying to catch the most sleep i can get. This has been going on for over a month now, and i havent got to go out and do anything, but of course, i am at work now and he is out w/ the people he works with, which they in turn are alcoholics, and i am afraid he is going to turn into one, and i cannot deal w/ that. (my mom and dad are alcoholics). Plus i feel like since i have been working so much, that he is going to find someone else. I think i am freaking out, I cant stop crying and shaking. I just dont understand what i am doing any of this for?? I really dont know if i should stay w/ him or leave, When he is w/ "the friends"/"coworkers" He treats me like crap. For instance, I called him when i arrived at work because a friend was giving him a ride home, and he immediately tells me he is going out w/ them, which of course, i got a little upset because i get off work early tonite, and i wanted to see him, I just dont think it is fair. He worked w/ them all day, and now he has to go out w/ them too ?? and to top off the part that upset me was, he said he didnt want to be on the phone w/ me, but, mind u, i havent seen him all day, or talked to him, so of course, i am pissed. Well, to make a long story short, he started talking about our problems in front of these people and he expects me to hang out w/ them. He slams me all the time in front of everyone, in cludidng my family. And he is always making fun of me for not having friends (off the computer friends). It is my choice that i dont have "real" friends. I do not trust anyone but myself, and sometimes not even myself. I have been screwed over by so many "friends" in the past, that i just dont even waste my time anymore. Let alone, i dont have time for "friends" w/ the way i am working and stuff. Im just to the point that im 22 going on 23 in Nov., and I want to start settling down in my new house, u know, w/ a family, and all that. I just dont know how to get him to understand that he needs to grow up. He is a year older than me, and very much more immature, w/ tha way he acts and handling things. For instance, We r in a fight right now, and it is "my" fault, because i was trying to explain to him how i felt about the situation w/ the friends. Well, he got pissed and hung up on me, and shut off MY cellphone that i left home so i could call and talk to him. So now, i have no clue whats going on, all i know is, i am SOOOOO SICK of STUPID GAMES! is there anyone that dosent play games??? I just want someone to be ture to me, and mature, and sweet, nice, respectful, and i dont think i am, getting that. Does anyone have any advice for me?? let me know....
signed,
Broken