My partner of almost 40 years committed suicide in late August. I have suffered from depression my entire life and this has taken it to a whole new level. He lied to me about having life insurance when he didn't and now I have to move to a less expensive place; the stress and anxiety of moving combined with his loss is off the charts.

I have never enjoyed life, never understood how people are "happy", and truthfully am angry that he didn't ask me if I'd like to join him. I have to work and consider it a "good" day if I can make it to the car after work before I start sobbing. Evenings and weekends are their own special kind of hell.

The Lord has been answering prayer and opening doors in my life that only He can. Yet He's ignoring my prayer to have a fatal heart attack in my sleep.