I think in her last moments she served as a teacher for you. It made you re-evaluate suicide and death. Life is hard and death perplexes everyone, no one knows what death really is. Life and death are unknowns. Everyone is just doing what they can each day with the tools they are provided with throughout life. I also know what it feels like to be in that suicidal state of mind, but there are no guarantees even in death. The only guarantee is that it is coming for all of us. And that's why we need to make the best of this moment, and each moment we have. Whether that's 80 more years, or 1 more week on this planet. People often fantasize about suicide because not only does it provide a form of comfort, it also provides them with a sense of control over their own life and demise. In a world full of uncertainty, fear, and lack of total control.