Well this is exactly the right place for me...I've been cruising/lurking the fora....unsure where to start whining because all that's really wrong is the time of year and trying to decrease my most effective med (Effexor) mandated by the medication provider. Although thanks to someone here, I have found a way to fill (cheaply) the extra script my doc gives me...just really pisses me off.

I'm guilty of isolating because it looks like to me no one is making any effort to stay in touch with me, therefore, they really don't give a damn and I can't blame them. I wonder why I spent so much time and effort on them. I guess I'm just a difficult person. Any group I've tried has contained at least one person that irritated me so much I quit.

I cancelled an appointment today with a rheumatologist with whom I thought I could track down the odd pains I've had ever since my internist jumped on the statin bandwagon and I had to discontinue myself. The rheumatologist is about the age of my daughter and dressed so stylishly. But after she touched me (fully clothed checking trigger points for fibromyalgia I think) she had to sanitize herself with the hand stuff. I know, I know, but there should be a better way to go about it than right in front of the patient immediately after you touch them. Anyway I could not face that again feeling like I will burst into tears any minute, so I cancelled and did not reschedule.

It is not appropriate to burst into tears in public...the last time I did that in a pcp's office, they looked at me like I was from mars.

So, I'm 59 yo, have struggled with major depression which turned into refractory and/or bipolar II with assorted other dx's. I've taken various and sundry ssri's but apparently need the sNri's. Currently taking Effexor and Cymbalta. Was at 450mg Effexor morning and 225mg at night (when I couldn't have the XR). It was perfect. I also take lamictal 300mg, Topamax 300mg, Seroquel 50mg, thorazine 30mg, klonopin prn (not very often). So, of course any other doc makes noises about over-medication. I've done about everything other than ECT. I live alone so I don't think that's a possibility.

To me it looks like I just have to deal the best I can until I die. And, I was doing pretty ok but then my therapist died, and my job decided I should be retired (because I spoke the truth and made too much money) and now they want to cut my anti-depressant??? That really helps.

So I'm feeling sorry for myself and vulnerable. My sister is avoiding me I think. She's the one person I can talk to (actually talk on the phone) but she has her own mid-50's angst going on now.

refractorily yours,
stephanie