Hey everyone,

I'm new here. Posted on the new member forum and someone suggested I try here also.

I'm a survivor of domestic violence where there was physical, sexual, emotional and psychological abuse. The guy almost killed me twice. I don't think that was his intention exactly but it was traumatic for me all the same. It took me a couple of years to get out of that situation and when I was finally out I promised myself I would never find myself in a situation like that again. I came out of it with PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder. It took over a year of counseling to stop having flashbacks and panic attacks several times a day, every day.

Fast forward several years. I'm married to a mostly wonderful man who was very supportive and loving. I thought it would be happily ever after but then something went wrong. Over the last year and a half or so I've been feeling more and more like something is wrong and mt marriage is no longer quite healthy. I think my husband is emotionally abusing me but he says its my imagination and I just want to see problems where there aren't problems.

Here is what concerns me:
At the start of this past winter the furnace in our home broke and my husband refused to fix it and forbid me to have anyone fix it. He was traveling for work and nearly never home. Sometimes he would be home on Sunday but that's about it. The rest of the time he was in a nice warm hotel while I was home in a cold house. It was frequently <10°F. We had no fireplace or any other means of heating the house. The pipes were frozen nearly every morning at least. It was horrible. Whenever I would say we should have the furnace fixed he would become angry with me and tell me its fine in the house. It isn't even cold. Put some warm clothes on and stop complaining. Even when it was 0 outside and probably about that inside.
My family kept trying to say that was dangerous and it was abuse but I was firm in mt belief that it wasn't.

Then my husband started trying to convince me that I'm crazy. He'll frequently insult me and/or call me names then insist he never said any of it. He tells me that I never told him things I know 100% I told him several times. He says I have conversations with myself in my head and I believe I said things to him that I really said to myself in my head. I told myself he was just forgetful or distracted and it wasn't abuse.

Then he started getting angry with me and saying how he wanted to kill my cat. Things like "I want to just rip his head off" or "I'm going to poison him so I can get a dog." Sometimes when he gets angry or he is in a bad mood he will throw the cat into walls, kick the cat or hit the cat. Nothing that will permanently or seriously injure the cat but that doesn't make it okay.

Often when he gets angry he will throw things, break things, slam doors and the like.

I kept telling myself that he just doesn't like cats. Those are just things people do when they lose their temper (even though I never have) and it was relatively normal.

He doesn't like me to leave the house. He doesn't like for me to talk on the phone. He monitors what I spend money on and doesn't let me spend more than about $20 without prior approval. He can spend as much as he wants, whenever he wants on whatever he wants though. He is always suspicious of me. If I'm up one night because I can't sleep and he wakes up and sees me on the computer he immediately assumes I'm sneaking around talking to a lover or something. I have never given him any reason not to trust me. I've never cheated, never came remotely close to cheating and I'm always just playing a game, readingthe news, visiting craft blogs or something equally innocent and boring.

He will spend the entire day insulting me ans belittling me then when I finally ask him nicely to stop because he is hurting my feelings he becomes very angry. He tells me I'm "too sensitive" and that I take things "too personally." He tells me that I'm "too defensive" and I "love to fight." We have even had "fights" where all I doing is verbally defending myself (e.g. no I didn't mean that. No I don't hate you. No I'm not cheating. I dont want to fight. Please don't call me a *****) when suddenly he will throw his arms up in front of him defensively like I am beating him and start sobbing and begging me to "stop, please stop." Stop what? All I am doing is calmly, nicely saying I didn't do or say whatever he is making up about me and asking him to stop calling me names. He has gone so far on several occasions as to say he understands why my ex beat me. He has also said none of that ever happened and my ex was probably a really nice guy and I imagined all of it. He says he is only ever nice to be and the rest is in my mind.

He also treats me more like a child than an equal. He will monitor what I eat and decide if I can have what I want or if I need to eat something healthier or with less calories. He tells me about 5 times a day every day to brush my teeth even though I brush without being reminded. Things like that.

He gets angry over the smallest things. I never know what will set him off. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells and the days he is in a bad mood I live in fear of the next horrible fight where he screams and yells at me till i want to die.

I dont know what to think and I dont trust my own mind anymore.