This is a very long read. I apologize ahead of time...

I just need some guidance or point of view from someone.

I have already been diagnosed with clinical depression and was taking Zoloft 25 mg. Then the doc. upped to 50 because it was not working. I eventually had to get off because I was also taking doxepin to sleep. I had a severe skin reaction so had to stop both medications.

Since I have been off the meds, I have been able to maintain somewhat. However, it is some days that I feel a lower depression that usual. I mean so low, I feel I am in a dark place and can't get out. Suicide thoughts tend to be strong at this time. The next day or two I feel o.k. though I still feel the depression there. However, I get into these angry/irritable fits and start to act irrational. It actually scares me. When I was on my Zoloft, I had these episodes as well. When I told the doc. he just told me that I needed time to level out. That's when I went to another doc. and she decided to increase my dose to 50mg. I am pretty much a mild tempered person, but when I feel like I can't hold in my frustration can set me off and I do the strangest things. I am concerned because I don't want to lose it and then regret it later. I start to cry because I feel like a bad person.

I don't have all the classic symptoms of bipolar like spending frivolously or feeling on top of the world, but I can say that sometimes I'm o.k. and smiling and laughing and other times, I hid away in my bed room. Or, if I am at work, I turn out the lights, lock my door and just cry and sit in the dark.

Before I got on the Zoloft I had such a low, that I felt like I lost my mind. I was freaking out and had to have a family member calm me down. I didn't want my daughter to see me. It's hard when you go through this and you have children and have to explain that you are not feeling well.

Please. If anyone has any suggestions or thoughts I would greatly appreciate it. My mom was talking to me about going back to the doc. I don't want them to think that I am trying to make something up.

Lastly, a little background info. My dad use to experience I believe severe bipolar episodes. Growing up he would start arguments and then be o.k. He was also buy things up the woo ha. which would cause fights with mom. However, he never got diagnosed. He also would hear voices. I did talk to him about this when I was taking the meds. Because at one point I was hearing voices but couldn't make it out. Then after the meds, they stopped. Recently, though I have had a few episodes but not as before.

I am a little confused because I know that this is not totally psychotic. I understand what is going on. I just want to know if this is something other than just clinical depression.

Any feedback and thoughts are welcome