So I’m not sure what to say or not to say to my 19 year old daughter. She is in a relationship with another girl (K) who in my opinion is not healthy, or should I say the relationship is not healthy. K has anxiety problems; at least that is what she says. She’s lazy and when the girls argue (which is a lot), the way she hurts my daughter is by locking up their new puppy and not taking care of it while my daughter is at class. Over the past two weeks, this girl has gone from one extreme to another. She tried to hurt herself one week (taking pills) and she beat up my daughter the next week. Luckily I was dog sitting and the pup didn't get the brunt of any cruelty.

I moved my daughter home that weekend. She didn’t feel safe and I didn’t feel she was safe. My daughter has been telling me for a couple months she doesn’t see a future with K and in no way would she ever bring children into the relationship. My daughter is smart, but has always thrived on drama. My relationship with her is ok, but strained at times due to all the drama. When I try to talk to her about anything, she does just the opposite to spite me (I feel).

I myself have been in 3 abusive relationships (2 mental and 1 physical). I left all three men because it didn’t feel it was healthy not only for me, but for my kids. I have tried to instill in my daughters that they deserve to be treated good and there is no excuse for any man or women to treat them badly. They have to stand up for themselves and say it’s not ok, I deserve better.

So to spite me or to have additional drama, my daughter is spending time with K again. Maybe that’s not true, but that’s how I feel. She asked if I would be ok with having K around again if she got therapy. I told her I felt their relationship was unhealthy, she deserved better, and that I was afraid that the next time, she might not stop punching her until she was unconscious, but I would support her decisions, just please think about things first. I reminded her of her comments that she didn’t see a future with this girl. I even told her to not lead K on if she was really going to end the relationship. K hasn't started any therapy yet either.

I’d really like her to end the relationship but I feel if I say any more she will do the opposite (she already is). I don’t want to push her away, but I don’t want her hurt either. It’s not fun to get phone calls in the wee hours of the night from a hysterical kid.

What do I say or not say going forward?