Quote:
Originally Posted by hvert
Intelligence has no bearing on whether or not someone is nice. A person does not have to be smart to be nice.
How do you know that he has no idea that he is hurtful? If he says something rude, like 'you are fat, stop eating,' does anyone call him on it? Does he apologize? It seems like a really rare person who would not understand that when he does X and people say it bothers them, he needs to stop doing X.
If you want to hang around with him, that's fine. If you don't, that's fine, too. You are free to make a choice that is different from the choice the rest of your family makes. You can change your mind later on, too.
You are in a very awkward position. I have had similar feelings about my own father and go through periods of talking to him and other periods of cutting him off. It's really hard to know what the best thing to do is. Like you, I often find that I am motivated by feelings of sadness for his poor health (which in my father's case is caused by extremely poor decisions).
Any choice you make in this is going to have a downside. I would go with what works for you in the moment, as much as you can.
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Well....believe it or not....no, I don't think he knows what he's doing. I understand what you're saying but people DO call him on it and when they do he just doesn't understand what he did wrong and gets hurt because of it. His whole family is just like him, too....conservative, racist, etc.
Like in the past when he's said stuff to me about my weight and I call him out for it he doesn't understand why I'm upset and his response is usually somewhere along the lines of, "I'm just trying to help, I love you...."
Or when he says racist stuff and I tell him to stop I don't want to hear it he gets this really hurt look on his face and then asks me why he can't have his own opinion. He doesn't understand that he can have his own opinion but I don't have to subject myself to hearing it too.
I've tried explaining other things to him in the past and he just doesn't get it.
I only have minimal contact with him, I couldn't handle anymore than that and right now I even live in the UK and I can't call him so I have next to NO contact....but it breaks my heart when he hurts other family members and then they say bad stuff. I mean THAT I understand, and that's a normal way to react and I don't fault them for it. I just end up feeling bad for my dad when they say that stuff about him because it's like he's a child who doesn't know any better.....truly. It should be better when I get back to the states and I live in another state. Right now (well my current home...not where I'm studying in the UK) he's an hour away so I feel obligated to see him occasionally, but I'll have an excuse when I'm states away. I know that sounds bad.
I would just be better if I knew he had some friends, lol