(((CalmingOcean))),

It's a challenge to work through one's past and at the same time live in the "now" when it comes to PTSD. However, in this challenging process there does come a gain in better understanding life challenges too. A mother who spends time working through whatever is there will slowly understand things differently and in that can actually be a "better" parent, rather than a parent who somehow just goes along "just" ignoring realities.

We cannot "change" our past, however, we can actually work on reviewing it and making gains on understanding ourselves much better and also learning not to be so hard on one's self too.

I have been through a great deal myself in this healing process. I felt like I was not a good parent either. However, the truth is, I have actually been more helpful because of what I have learned. I know right now it doesn't seem possible with how you are struggling. But, with patience and time that will start to happen for you.