Thank you so much everyone for your answers. I've really thought about them for awhile & tried to look at my H more closely & what he sees happening. Trying to b objective.

I know that he's hurt & that I've caused him a great deal of hurt. He doesn't think that's fair. That he doesn't deserve that. He's become the "parent" in this relationship & I'm the "child". He said it's not his job to be constantly worried about me & whether I'm going to take my own life. He also thinks that if I do that, that I'm saying "eff you, I'm scared. I'm out of here." That makes him very angry bec that puts 3 children into just his 2 hands. We're not a team.

I know this bec, & I'm not proud to say, that I've read his journal his T has asked him to keep. I think it's a good place to put his anger that's directed to me.
What hurt the most was when he said "...I know u were hurt by the csa when you were young, but does it have to ruin our lives?"
That remark has left me speechless.