I was on Klonopin for a while and I had the same question myself. It's worth looking into because you have a few things you are doing that with the increase in medication could be leading to your feeling more depressed. You are on nicotine/marijuana/and ?. Plus, you are not eating well? I struggled with no appetite myself, tended to crave sugars and carbs too.

Most people who struggle with PTSD complain of struggling to "sleep", I had that challenge myself. That is why I took the Klonopin as it did help me sleep at night.
It "is" important to at least find something that helps with a person at least having their body rest at night. A true restorative sleep where dreaming/rem sleep can take place takes a while as from what I discovered myself, I just did not have enough there so my brain could figure out "how" to process all the challenges I had.

How you managed your own way of dealing in spite of things you went through "is" actually a lot more "reasonable" than you may think. That is why it was more helpful to me to discuss the common challenges that take place when a child faces certain types of dysfunction. It was better for me to gain the overall knowledge, rather than my thinking too much about my own ways of "privately" dealing as though I was out on some island that no one would understand. I had engaged my T with a general discussion where I would ask questions and he would talk about the topic "in general" and as he did that I could say, "me too" here and there and what I liked is "he" did not push me with that either.

It took me a while to finally see my own pattern of how "others" impacted me in my history too. For myself, what I did notice is that over and over again I did try to find ways to be "positive" and productive and strive for "the better". My story has been more about me making progress only to have someone else damage it somehow. Often I was judged unfairly, even blamed when it was not "me" that was the problem.

You talk about bulimia? Well, I did not have that problem, however, my own stomach is a roadmap expressing how much stress I had been enduring in my life. I have had ulcers, a hyadal hernia, baratts esophogus, and I also was often challenged with constipation issues due to stresses caused to me from "other" dysfunctional individuals in my life path.

When the PTSD grew worse (yes it gets worse before it begins to get better), I felt like I would never be able to get anyone to understand the complexity of "me". Well, while it did take time, I have actually "slowly" made progress in that challenge. As I have had a chance to see the whole picture (which does take time), I can't blame myself. I can see how with the trauma that broke me right down happened and it was certainly "not" my fault.

I often did not have the "emotions" to give up right away in my therapy either. Often, that is not really ready to take place. I do remember that in my childhood, I don't think my "telling" would have been handled right, and when I look back I can see that even now. So, in that, it is not "just" that easy to "blame". Often "disassociation" doesn't mean one doesn't want to feel or is trying to hide out somehow. Often all it means is that a person needs more time to stand back and consider a lot more about that picture as well as all the challenges taking place, even with what was understood at that time too, in order to decide what emotions may fit with whatever is there.