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i was just thinking that part of it might be him trying to reassure me that he is competent.... he does this little thing sometimes... basically talks about how wonderful he is

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Hey, my T does that too. In certain situations, he will begin his "look at the fantastic training I have had and all the skills I have learned" speech or sometimes the related "look at the people I have helped and how highly sought after I am" speech. I never felt these speeches were bragging, but more informational in nature. Once I had heard them a couple of times, I began to look more deeply into why he inserted them into just that moment in our sessions. I decided they were meant to be both reassuring and convincing, kind of a way to appeal to my intellect that he really is very qualified, that he can handle the challenges we face, that I can trust him with this difficult process. But I often wasn't getting the message. I was thinking, oh T is telling me his background/training again, ho hum... But the message really was, "sunny, sunny, sunny, please trust me with this, I can do this, I can, and I want to help you, please let me." When I finally got that message, it was powerful, and it played a big part in convincing me to trust him completely and let him do couples with me and my husband. We've only had one session, but T handled it really well.

Anyway, I think they sometimes have a reason behind their "I am skilled" speeches beyond just the simple one of communicating competency.

I have also received from my T the reverse speech, I guess designed to keep me from idealizing him too much. He will sometimes say that there are better therapists out there than he is, that he is not the "be all end all" in therapists, etc. (Ha, ha, these speeches haven't helped at all, since I still think he is the bestest.)

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i guess there aren't many differences in the application. thats kind of why i ended up saying 'it doesn't really matter'.

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Even if the application is the same, I guess the reason it really does matter is that you aren't being understood.

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mostly... i just don't see. i just don't see why he wants to talk to them instead of helping me say the things they would say were he to talk to them.

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What does he say when you ask him that? Why does he say he doesn't want to try what you suggest and not talk to them directly? Do you think it is because he has tried that for a while with you and isn't satisfied with the rate of progress? It seems from some of what you have written, that you and your T are still working on the therapeutic alliance, so maybe it is premature to give up on the approach of not talking to the others. Your T just returned after a month's absence. Seems so soon to rush stuff.