>> mostly... i just don't see. i just don't see why he wants to talk to them instead of helping me say the things they would say were he to talk to them.

> What does he say when you ask him that?

er... i didn't think to say that at the time. took this thread for me to get to there. yeah. thats where the rubber hits the road. i guess i'll have to argue with him about that next week lol.

> Why does he say he doesn't want to try what you suggest and not talk to them directly?

so... i guess he doesn't know. although... i have said before that for me... it is about making me bigger. so i can face this stuff.

> Do you think it is because he has tried that for a while with you and isn't satisfied with the rate of progress?

aw :-(
i dunno... i think... he has been thinking a bit. i think it surprised the hell out of him that i was so upset about his time off truth be told. i think... he didn't know i was so attached to him. i think... he didn't expect me to attach to him very well. but for me... my abuse issues are mostly with my mother not with my father. i have significant difficulty getting attached to females. with guys... i tend to attach quickly and its very intense. i guess he didn't know that. i think he didn't realise how much of a connection we actually did have... how much i was bringing along in therapy in order to help make the connection happen... how much i was making a conscious choice to try and trust him by answering all of his questions to the best of my ability... until i withdrew all of that on our first session back. i think that gave him a hell of a shock to tell you the honest truth. he seems to have been thinking about things since then. tried to make an effort to show me he understood about some of the little things. he said we had had disjointed therapy up until now but should have a pretty straight run over the next few months... stuff like that.

> It seems from some of what you have written, that you and your T are still working on the therapeutic alliance, so maybe it is premature to give up on the approach of not talking to the others. Your T just returned after a month's absence. Seems so soon to rush stuff.

the way he seems to see it is that this is the next step though. that this is something to work towards. my letting him meet them. thats not a goal i have. thats not a goal i'm prepared to work towards. i'm prepared to work towards integration. but not like that (because i don't believe it helps that).