Hi,

I have been very fearful of posting here. I have very severe post traumatic symptology. Some aspects of my situation are unusual, other aspects are typical.

The unusual spect of my situation is that I have experienced something called medication induced truma- it's trauma that results from the used of medication or drugs. For me, it was ssri medication. It's when people have very unusual reactions which in themselves cause trauma. I was in a domestic abuse situation and kept being told I needed medications even though I wanted to leave the environmentt I was living in. This happened to me for 7 years, between the ages of 18 and 25. It took all my young dulthood off me, nd i lived in isolation ithout even having a key to the door or allowed anyone round the house. I wasnt even trusted to cook or hang up washing or open or close the curtains.

I was essentially captive there. the second unusual part of it is that that was my dad, not a romantic partner. My childhood was crazy and this continued into adulthood. This is a description of my childhood etc http://forums.psychcentral.com/survi...eful-help.html

My mother was the one who always told me I needed medications.I had a job and v good grades prior to taking the medications when I was 18. I ended up trapped at my dads due to the psychological deterioration, plus no money or job because the side effects and withdrawals meant I coulld no longer work and had to leave university twice. I have since been told by a psychiatrist that I experienced ssri induced mania for many years.

i tried to leave my father mulitple times, often ending up in danger, and things like rape and being injected with drugs which I can now see was damaging. I even managed to get away to a womens refuge and I thought I was finally free, but when they couldnt house me due to age restrictions, and I had no money, I went to live with my mother, and the whole thing with the medications started again, and even my dad was there again, so it all started again, and I was housebound there for 9 months.

I got away 7 months ago, but had another extreme reaction to medication when I first came here which set me back. I am no longer taking that medication so I am now ok. Even though I have been away from what happened, I have still been housebound due to extreme body dysmorphia and being triggered by things that remind me of what happened. In the last few weeks I have started to go out a little- just for things like food, for the first time in 14 months.

I have a therapist, but the therapy seems to be all over the place. There isnt any structure. I am 26 years old now, and I have only just recentlygot away.I dont think my therapist realises that I have literally spent my life in captivity.It's no eaggeration to say that the last time I had any normality or any contact with the world was when I was at school, and i briefly had a friend a few years ago,but I lost her due to what was happening.

I would love to hear from people who can tell me what the steps to recovery are.what basic stages are there for recovering from trauma. My therapist wants me to get more social contact, but my triggers are so extreme, and I am triggered as soon as I go outside. I have NO experiences of living in this world since school, other than experience of messed up stuff. Everything's a constant shock to me. I have extreme feelings of bitterness and anger and shock and grief etc etc. Plus I suffer from extreme disassociation. I dont know how to deal with them.My therapist recommends stuff like visiting the Buddhist centre and stuff like that to do more stuff.

I think my therapists minimises everything.I have only left the house for the first time a few weeks ago,and i have started to do some food shopping and things-only the small shops. But she says we need to work on exploring more things i can do and things I'm interested in, and my hopes. I don't think she gets how extreme this thing has been.I never developed hopes or interests!!

I feel overwhelmed.Any advice on recovery?

xxxxx