hi kar
he didn't respect that no meant no and he violated you. you are now suffering because of that. you are going to need therapy to deal with it. make sure it is somebody who specializes in sexual abuse if you want the best most sensitive treatment. only then will you be able to decide if your marriage can survive this. the sooner the better. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome