you know what, you don't have to think about thanksgiving and Christmas if you don't want to. you have grown children. go to one of their houses for the holidays. I am sure you have hosted enough of the holidays that it is time you had a break anyway. give yourself that break. I don't know how old the grandchildren are, but giftcards are real simple to pick up or spend an hour on amazon and have it shipped right to their door. they even do the gift wrapping for an extra 3,50. just flat out tell everybody that you are struggling and you don't have it in you to celebrate this year. there is no law that says you have to do it. I haven't done the holidays in forever, since my marriage fell apart. it just didn't seem like there was anything to celebrate. I buy my kids gifts, my grandchildren gifts, but I don't bother with the tree or fixing grand dinners. I just don't have it in me. if people invite me over, I will go. but I don't miss them. nobody judges me. you need time to grieve. everybody does this in their own time and way. don't stress yourself out unnecessarily. you have that right.