Hi PeaceLily, welcome to the PTSD forum. I agree with everything kaliope has said, and yes it is important that you are working with a therapist who really understands trauma/ptsd/trauma work therapy. However, you have a very challenging history, you also trigger easily and can dissassociate a lot. A therapist will want to go slowly with you, as a good therapist will not want you dissassociating in therapy to where you are distancing from the now and discussion. Often it is best to take "baby steps" in trauma work if the patient "is" really struggling. A therapist who is presented with a patient that has been controlled a lot will want the "patient" slowly feeling they are in control in therapy and can relax and trust and feel safe in therapy rather then feeling the therapist is pushing them which will only lead to the patient disassociating to gain control. One cannot "heal" from all those years of dysfunction quickly, it will take you time to slowly make gains. A therapist who doesn't understand that will not help you, so this therapist may just understand more than you realize.

The fact that you are going out is a big step. It takes time dear one.

(((Welcoming Gentle Hugs)))
OE