Jenni ... can you state what you think the right way to go in this situation is? I'm not quite sure if you want to maintain a relationship with the kids or let it all go an move on.

I can tell you what happened to me. I have been in a similar situation and I never cut off relations with the child. The child was six. She's now a young woman of 30. We speak almost daily. I speak to her mom maybe once every two years. We're polite to each other and that's about it.

The mom didn't try to make the child stop talking to me. In all those years, I avoided criticizing the mom or even agreeing when the girl was a teenager, bitterly complaining about chores and curfews and homework. I didn't always agree with how the mom handled things, but I didn't want to be a saboteur. I did keep my ear perked for trouble and called the mom several times when I saw danger on the horizon.

But mostly I did my best to respect the mother's boundaries while maintaining an Auntie relationship with the girl. It's worked.

I've read other posts and know this situation has been very hurtful to you. The question I would ask is if you can maintain a relationship without allowing it to hurt you and without criticizing or sabotaging the mom. Can you maintain proper boundaries?

It's difficult when the children are so young. It gets much easier as they get older. I have no regrets at all that I maintained contact. In all these years, the girl and I have never once talked about why her mother and I don't hang out together. She sees us be polite to each other and just accepts the situation as it is. I have no idea what her mother has told her, but it's clear she didn't sabotage anything.

Kids can slip away when they become teenagers. That happened in my situation, but she slipped right back into my life when she got through her rebellious stage. Could you take something like that? Can you be a non-judgmental Auntie as the kids go through all their developmental stages?

Other than telling you my own story, I don't know what else to say except I am very sorry that you're going through this. Kids get into our hearts and it's sometimes very hard to know how to deal with a problem like this.

I wish you the best and hope you can figure this out.