Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
(((CalmingOcean))),
It's a challenge to work through one's past and at the same time live in the "now" when it comes to PTSD. However, in this challenging process there does come a gain in better understanding life challenges too. A mother who spends time working through whatever is there will slowly understand things differently and in that can actually be a "better" parent, rather than a parent who somehow just goes along "just" ignoring realities.
We cannot "change" our past, however, we can actually work on reviewing it and making gains on understanding ourselves much better and also learning not to be so hard on one's self too.
I have been through a great deal myself in this healing process. I felt like I was not a good parent either. However, the truth is, I have actually been more helpful because of what I have learned. I know right now it doesn't seem possible with how you are struggling. But, with patience and time that will start to happen for you.
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I feel that way too... Thinking I am not good enough. Learning I was not present enough... My sons PDoc thinks he has developmental delays (he is two and not talking) or he may be on the autism spectrum... Developmental delays would pretty much be my fault, I Dont talk out loud enough and I'm not a good conversationalist.
I **** down at a young age and just dissociated myself from the world I really have a hard time conversing now, or just 'being'. The more I try and 'live in the world' the more I see how I was doing it all wrong or seeing my flaws. It's like its having the opposite effect on me. I hate to be so negative but shiiiiiiiiiiit.
Today I see the psychiatrist and now that I am feeling better I don't know if I will be able to express how bad the thoughts and feelings of suicide really were. Part of me will probably want to keep it covered up, the same part that won't take it seriously and that is so annoying. I was scared. Wednesday when it first came on I had a panic attack because of the severity of the thoughts.