I read three books recently:

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty
No More Christian Nice Girl
Boundaries (by Henry Cloud and John Townsend)

I am not religious at all and the last two books are for a Christian audience. I recommend all three, especially the first and last. The last book described things in a very concrete way. The first book is mostly about verbal techniques you can use with lots of example dialogues.

Just to give you an example of the level of discourse between my boyfriend and I. The other day he wiped his hands on one of my aprons. I saw him doing this and said 'That's not a rag,' in what I thought was a joking tone. I wasn't that upset that he was wiping his hands on my apron, but I didn't want him to do it. To me, it was a throwaway comment -- stop wiping your hands on my stuff.

It turned into an epic blowout where I was somehow the aggressor. I still can't really believe it. Nothing I've read in any book discusses how to deal with this.

I'm not done with it yet, but Crucial Conversations is another good one that actually does try to address dealing with irrational people.