((CalmingOcean)),

It doesn't matter, don't stress about how you replied. I am more interested in what you have said tbh. I just wanted to help you understand that "healing/talking/feeling" when working through one's troubled past takes time and not everything is going to come out
all at once either. Having these feelings of "I failed" is actually very "normal" at first, that is because you are reviewing from what you know "now", and not what you knew at the time you are reviewing. You are also reviewing from a standpoint of being able to see things in a more complete way in that you see an outcome, and it's very important to recognize that you did not have that when experiencing different challenges in your life. This is another reason "why" we don't "just" see it all right away, don't know how to feel about everything right away either. If we could see everything all at once we risk self judging much too harshly so it is important we address things "gradually" so we don't get so overwhelmed. Also, there is a period when PTSD can present a lot of mini flashes and a person begins to feel that they can't possibly figure out how to address it all, that is often the darkest time and that "will" ease up as a person slowly starts going through the task of discussing their history and slowly being validated and feeling more understood.

Establishing a trusting "safe" relationship with a therapist is very important. What I found out myself is, it was much better when I discussed the topics in a more general way, as it allowed me to develop a part of myself that is often called "the wise mind".
The reason why this is so important to develop is that it is extremely helpful in slowly learning how to ground one's self instead of feeding into the confusing challenge of PTSD itself. This way as the "subconscious" mind slowly reveals different historical challenges, the wise mind slowly learns to allow one's self to step back and review and embrace the learning experience instead. This way, as things come forward with all the questions from the experiences, the wise mind learns to "acknowledge" whatever is there as "being in the past" and is something that finally needs to be resolved "slowly". While it is a lot of work to do this reviewing and trauma work, developing the wise mind to be patient and more accepting and "willing to learn" provides gains in the ability to slowly heal one's self instead of being overwhelmed with "dark suicidal thoughts". As the healing process continues, one begins to understand how PTSD cycles come in waves and that these waves always come in, crest, and receed, and they all need to be acknowledged and worked through and as that takes place, they become more settled each time. Is it easy? No, it's often very challenging, but, as I mentioned, a person will slowly make gains on whatever is coming forward. This is much easier as the "wise mind" learns about what "normal" development and capacity is during their personal challenges so that they begin to become "more patient" with self and "more self caring" and understanding.

Now, as far as your child is concerned and is displaying some developmental issues? Do not allow yourself to fall into self blaming for that either. As a person that has interacted with so many children the last 25 years myself, I can tell you, many parents have different challenges with these issues and it had nothing to do with their inadequacies.
I will also tell you that I raised a child with dyslexia, and she developed differently as well, her dyslexia had nothing to do with me, it was inherited genetically.

The important thing for you right now is to take time to learn about what it means and how you can help your child in spite of whatever this happens to be. That is what I did with my child, I learned about what dyslexia means, how she learns and even how she stresses when she is struggling to learn too.

If this happens to be on the autistic scale, so much more is being learned about it to where they have been developing more ways to help these children at younger ages.
So be patient and allow yourself to learn what is taking place and how you can help your child, that is what is more important to focus on right now. This is part of your also commiting to developing your own wise mind. You are still young, you can commit to learning, healing, gaining, growing in spite of whatever is in your own history, you really can do this.

It's ok to come here and talk through whatever you need to talk through. Yes, there are other members that are also working through this challenge. We struggle with cycles, but we also support each other too, with an understanding about the challenge and keeping our wise minds strong at the same time.

(((Supportive Caring Hugs)))
OE