I can relate to vitually all of what you are saying. I'm a 39 year old woman, and from my experience, some things get better with age/therapy/medication/support/determination/ etc., but I still suffer.
I try to be good to myself and do things that give me joy or entertain me. This is the life I've been given to live, and it is not always good. I don't have a lot of love and support and understanding and people that care about me, but I've made the decision to try to live this life with all of its flaws the best I can.
I've been able to overcome a lot of social anxiety, but not all of it, and it's cost me friends. I still cannot be affectionate with people even if I care about them (except for boyfriends), I get crabby in the morning because in my dreams, my life is exotic and wonderful and I don't want to wake up. Sometimes I say things I wish I hadn't said in a group setting and fret about it for days, weeks, even months.
However, I take solace in that my suffering has made me a compassionate person. And even though I experience far more isolation that I would like, I've learned to do things I enjoy by myself and tell myself I'm worthy of my own love. I've become better at "faking" confidence when I'm not feeling terrible, so I can have somewhat of a social life, and not everyone sees the anxiety and awkwardness I try so hard to hide.
Things could be much better, yes, but they can be much worse, and they were when I was younger. I think as you grow older, things will get better. Your self-awareness, intelligence, determination will undoubtably help improve your life dramatically. There is hope. Don't lost sight of that. You are not alone.Good luck!