Hi. I just started going to therapy about three weeks ago. I am going to a DBT therapy but refuse to do the group session so I only see the woman 1x a week.

I am severely depressed if interacts with my life a lot and I can barely get out of bed. I've missed 3 weeks of something that's a once in a lifetime opportunity because i'm so depressed. I got fired from a job. I bailed half-way through a class I was taking. I desperately want to feel better because I feel like i'm digging myself into a bigger and bigger hole.

Seeing this woman 1x a week is barely helping. I've called her 2x in a crisis and she was very nice called me multiple times to check in and see how I was doing ect. The thought of killing myself pops in my head about 4-5 days out of the week. I feel like this is not a way to live. The therapist has recommended medication and said "it's the only way" several times to me, but I am resistant. Whenever I'm really depressed I agree i'll call a psychiatrist, but whenever I feel better (every other day) then I think I can just fix my problem on my own. I don't know what to do. I feel like i'm a burden to her if I call her in between appointments. I feel stupid and embarrassed. I don't know if I should see her 2x a week but I'm even afraid to ask that. I don't want to call anymore because she said something at our last session "I know you'll call me this week" with a smile on her face. So now I am embarassed so I don't want to call. I don't know what to do anymore I feel like I will suffer indefinitely.